I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Couch. On fire.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
