I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
