i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
