well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize