dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
