You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
