i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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