We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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