I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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