Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
