I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
