Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So many bounce houses so little time
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
