Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
