I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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