What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize