Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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