I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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