I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
