If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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