I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
