lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think your dad took our porno
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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