I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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