So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
