Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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