We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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