Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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