all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
