were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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