So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
