Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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