He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
