We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
