When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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