Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
