Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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