fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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