i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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