i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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