I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
