Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
