did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Green mimosas i think yes
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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