my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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