She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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