the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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