I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
honey bunches of taint.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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