sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
