why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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