11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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