all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
