just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
