I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize