I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
