yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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