he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize