We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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