i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
