just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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