He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
