'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
