I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize