Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
