How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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