1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
