Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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