Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
