matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
