happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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