Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
