I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
