The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
